Balancing Effort & Ease

Every attempt at behavioral change demands doing things differently. In my work with clients in recovery from drug and alcohol use, great effort is made at “staying clean.” This typically involves avoiding people, places, and things associated with substance use, developing “trigger management skills,” and making lifestyle changes. It’s hard work. And when it becomes too hard, relapse happens. Or if not full-blown relapse, a “slip,” before the client resumes their recovery efforts.

Whenever this happens in any behavioral change effort, especially when abstinence of any kind is the desired goal (think dieting), fatigue arises. The effort becomes tiring, too much work. The client eventually gives in, seeking relief from an effort that’s become overwhelming.

Too much concerted effort just doesn’t work in the long run. It is too much work. It is tiring. It is a drag. It does feel like punishment. It feels depriving because it is.

What’s the antidote? Ease.

Ease means taking your foot off the gas, just enough to slow down. Ease means trying, but not insisting on change RIGHT NOW. Ease means gauging how much is enough and how much is too much. Ease means being realistic about your capacities and limitations. Ease means being gentle with yourself.

I’m watchful to encourage my clients to take it easy in their change efforts: to balance effort with ease. Yes, effort is necessary. Without it, nothing happens because our energies aren’t mobilized toward anything in particular. We do have the gift of being able harness our intention and energies toward chosen goals. But ease is necessary, too. Without it, we slip into an impatient perfectionism, demanding immediate results and blaming ourselves when we’re unable to reach those unrealistic goals.

So the next time you find yourself struggling, check-in with what’s foremost in your experience, effort or ease?

Then take it easy.